One Year Ago Today

Do you ever play the game where you try to remember what you were doing a year ago on this date? Or two? Or any other number? I have a pretty good memory for dates, so when a date rolls around that is stuck in my head, I can't help but play that game. Today is one of those dates. I can remember almost everything that happened one year ago today.

It all started really early in the morning, about 5:30 when I got up to get ready for school. Before even hopping in the shower, I took a pregnancy test. Obviously it was positive. That was the first time I knew we would be welcoming Patrick into our family. We'd suspected that was the case for several days, even taking several other pregnancy tests that were not clear enough that I was convinced. (By the way, I highly recommend the digital tests; there's no debating over just how faint that second pink line is that way. It's a definite answer.) Because we had suspected that long, it wasn't terribly surprising to see "pregnant" in the readout on the test. I was upset, though. This was most definitely not the best timing to have a baby. I think that's why I was so doubtful that the other tests we had taken could really be positive.

I called in sick for work so I could go to the doctor to get the pregnancy confirmed. I really was feeling sick--and had been for several days--so I didn't feel bad using a sick day. I was fortunate enough to get an appointment for just a few hours later that morning, not bad considering I didn't even have an ob-gyn before. I was terrified of the appointment, but of course it wasn't nearly as bad as I'd expected. The funniest was when they were taking me back to get a room. The nurse checked the paperwork I'd filled out and said there was no way I would be able to tell whether I was pregnant because I was only a couple of days late. Only moments after I left my sample for them, they redirected me to a different room. I realized later after discovering how the room assignments worked that that meant I was most definitely pregnant. Apparently my pregnancy hormones were already incredibly high. Of course, I didn't know that at the time, and a good part of me was still hoping the home test was wrong. When the doctor came in with a bag of "goodies," baby magazines and prenatal vitamins and stuff, that dashed that hope.

The rest of the day I spent gathering things to eat and drink that would supposedly help the nausea (they never did) and reading the baby magazines and other info the doctor sent home with me. I was hoping reading about it would make it more real to me. It didn't. It was like reading about something that could possibly happen to me sometime in the future, but not something that was happening right then. I don't think the reality of it set in for several more weeks. I'm not sure how between the nausea and the hormones I could not understand what was really happening.

Hmmm, somehow thinking back on this day isn't bringing back the emotions I thought it would. The day itself was a bit surreal, almost emotionless. It was too overwhelming at the time to let myself succumb to emotions. Now when I see it, though, I can remember more of the underlying disappointment. But I also know that it's one of the happiest days of my life--in retrospect anyway. This year has seemed to fly by, but it has also been the longest year I can remember. So much has changed in the past year. At least it has all turned out to be wonderful. I can't imagine now what would have happened if that pregnancy test had said "not pregnant" instead.

Patrick and Food

So it turns out that Patrick really likes eating. I've started thoroughly enjoying feeding him. He's not terribly fond of the rice cereal anymore now that he has started fruits, but he will still eat it. I think his favorite food right now is bananas. We've been feeding him that for a couple of weeks now, trading off rice cereal with it (that's cheaper), and he eats the bananas much better, opening his mouth wider and faster for it than the cereal. Yesterday we started him on pears too. It was the funniest thing watching him take his first bite of pears. They look a lot like bananas, so I'm sure that's what he was expecting. When the pears didn't taste like bananas, he looked surprised and refused to open his mouth for another bite for several minutes. After deciding pears weren't so bad after all, he started really liking them. I think he likes them about as much as bananas. He is probably just over twelve pounds and can already eat an entire jar (actually plastic container) of fruit and sometimes some cereal too, and that's just after draining me. Matt and I are thinking he must have gotten my metabolism; he burns the calories as he eats them. Otherwise, I don't know how he could possibly fit all that into his tiny belly.

Breastfeeding has also started to get more enjoyable. In the last few months, Patrick has figured out his part much better, so I have to do less to position him and keep him there eating. The new holding position we tried awhile back is much better too. I've managed to position him so that his head is still higher than his belly, countering the acid reflux, while still cuddling with him. Sometimes when he won't relax any other way, feeding him like this can relax him enough to doze off. That was a great strategy during some of the worst hours of teething the other day.

Another story, completely unrelated to eating: Patrick has started cooing much of the time when he's not crying or eating. He's figured out that all the extra drool from teething can have a purpose other than moisturizing his chin. He'll make a sound like "Aah-pthoooo," spitting that second syllable. He can change the emphasis too, sounding excited or content or upset or even comforting. Earlier today he was imitating me as I made the sound to him, and I think he liked that game. The funniest was when I put him down for a nap a few minutes ago, though. I played Gloworm for him, as usual, and he immediately turned his head toward Gloworm when he heard him, looked at him lovingly, reached his hand over to start caressing his face, and cooed at him. These were the content/comforting coos. When Gloworm finished his song, Patrick would look back up at me and get excited again until I played Gloworm again. Then he'd coo through another song. He did that until I left, leaving Gloworm silent. Maybe he'll coo that lovingly to me later.

Here's another picture of Patrick trying to eat his fingers. As my mom commented on the last finger-eating picture, he actually does try to see how many fingers will fit into his mouth at once. I've seen him try for the whole fist, but his favorite is stuffing the fingers from one or both hands into his mouth. He didn't quite fit the second hand in this time, but that doesn't mean he wasn't trying!

There are Days

There are days when I wish I wasn't a mom, when I long for life before Patrick came. Sometimes I wish I didn't have that responsibility around, and I wait for that next scream anxiously, dreading it, knowing it can't be far away. I just want to be selfish and do what I want when I want, not timing things around whether or not I can finish them before I expect to be needed again. I want to not have to abandon tasks halfway through. I want to take a vacation from my job, one of the few that doesn't have vacation days scattered throughout. There are days when I miss living my life for me, not my miniature boss, and I resent every one of his demands.

And then there are days when I eagerly wait for that next cry, knowing that I'm needed. And those days I can't imagine not having Patrick around to hold, kiss, and snuggle with. I creep into his room while he's still sleeping and stare at him in awe, unable to believe that I am truly a mother and he is truly my son. Those days I feel the wonder all over again that Patrick is a part of my life. I watch as he slowly starts to wake up, that first sleepy yawn, his eyes eventually opening enough to focus on me, and that huge, goofy, drowsy smile when he sees me. These are the days I don't even want to imagine life without him or remember life before him.

Another Poop Story

Again, while Patrick was eating solid food today, he pooped. I could tell he was concentrating hard on it, and it looked like he had finished long before he was finished eating. Naturally, as soon as I cleaned him up and got him out of his high chair, I took him to his room to change his diaper. Gross, by the way...one of the first banana poops. I'll spare you the details. When we'd finished, I let him sit in his little chair in the living room and left him for just a minute to get his reflux medicine. I couldn't have been gone for more than a minute. When I got back, I smelled something suspicious again. Sure enough, he'd already pooped again (or still?). What fun. Of course, he'd just had his medicine, and it is best not to move him for about half an hour after taking the medicine so he doesn't spit it up. So I sat there smiling at him and trying not to breathe through my nose as he flirted with me for the next half hour. I was all too ready to get that smelly thing off him the first chance I got.

If you can't already tell, he's been in a better mood still today. He got a bit fussy for a while last night from teething again, but we were able to easily control the pain; it must not have been nearly as bad as Sunday. My favorite distraction activity last night was our excursion into the back yard. I'd tried taking him outside on Sunday, but the sun was too bright and the wind too strong for Patrick to enjoy himself. Last night, though, was cloudier with less wind. It felt a little cool to me, but Patrick didn't mind and we didn't stay out long anyway. Matt took a little time to water the grass, the last of his lawn chores from the weekend, so Patrick and I kept him company. The most fun part was when I let Patrick put his feet in the grass. That was his first chance to feel it. I expected some sort of reaction and was actually a little disappointed that he didn't even seem to notice. I'll have to try again in a few weeks to see if he has a reaction then.

I took a few pictures of him earlier and thought they would turn out well, but I was unimpressed. Either way, here are the two best.

Drooly boy...It gets really bad when he's teething. He was blowing bubbles with it while I was taking pictures.

Mmm...fingers!

Demon Child

After all that bragging about our little angel yesterday, someone must have switched the good Patrick with an evil look-alike spawned straight from Hell. Not really, but it was an incredibly tough day starting not long after I blogged. Apparently Patrick's budding teeth began to hurt unbearably. Tylenol was not enough to even dull the pain; Baby Orajel just made him scream more (I don't think he likes the taste). One of the few things that distracted him at all was walking him back and forth around the house. My back and feet hurt today after all that walking and carrying. Even then, seeing the same few rooms in our house could only distract him so long. We tried the swing, and miraculously he didn't throw up after swinging yesterday. It also worked temporarily, and we were grateful for the short reprieve.

Finally Matt went to Wal-Mart to pick up a few other things, so he grabbed some teething tablets (as Lauren suggested long ago) while he was there. After several of those and a feeding which usually relaxes him, he was able to doze off for about an hour. That was the only nap he had had since church. He hadn't been able to sleep because of the pain, and he was making himself so tired that he was having trouble sleeping even when he wasn't hurting. When he woke up from his nap, he was in pain yet again. More Tylenol, more walking, and another feeding did the trick, and he fell asleep on me again, clearly completely exhausted. He was completely sprawled out across my belly. We carefully put him to bed (it was after 10 pm by now), without giving him a bath or changing his clothes or anything, and prayed he could get a little sleep.

He woke up again at midnight, so we tried one more feeding (his vitamin bottle) with some of the teething tablets in it. He was so drowsy when he finished that I thought it was a great time to take care of his nails again. I'd cut them not long ago, but they were apparently still long and sharp enough to scratch; he had little cuts all around his eyes from grabbing at them in pain. My plan worked great for one hand--I don't think he even knew what I was doing. But then it dawned on him as I reached for the second hand, and he fought and screamed with everything he had as I finished that second hand. It took another ten minutes of pacing to calm him down enough to put him back to bed.

Fortunately that was the end of the teething troubles up until now. He slept really well, waking up several hours later than normal for his morning feeding, and he's been sleeping most of today since. I'm glad he likes to balance his needy days. The only problem is that his unusual sleeping and eating patterns yesterday and today have completely thrown off any semblance of a routine. I don't work well when I don't know what to expect when, so I feel a little lost today.

Sorry for the lack of pictures the last few days. Between the fussiness and scratching at his eyes, he's been a bit unphotogenic lately. As soon as he turns back into sweet angel baby, I'll get more pictures. Besides, I have a feeling the huge collage from Friday night should tide everyone over for a few more days.

Hey, I just got some great news! My old school district called saying it appears as though I never cashed one of the checks they sent me over the summer, the rest of last year's pay. They'd like to reissue that paycheck! It's like winning the lottery (only with four digits instead of seven). :) What a great day I'm having!

What an Angel

We finally made it to church again this morning. We revisited the one from several weeks ago. It was even better this week, even though Lauren wasn't there this time. Actually, it's really been an interesting day so far, so I'd better go back to the beginning first.

I was jolted awake at 6:30 by a hungry boy. Despite my obvious reluctance to get up and feed him that early (much earlier than normal), I was awake for the day after that. It gave me plenty of time to get ready slowly, taking time for a leisurely breakfast and check my e-mail. Matt and I got to church just in time, and quickly found and greeted the few people we met and remembered from the last visit. It's great realizing how many of them remembered us too, especially since it had been something like a month since we had visited.

The service was really good. There was a guest speaker who was easy to listen to and had a good message, and their baby dedication was today. This is definitely a church with plenty of young families! The best part, though, is that Patrick was absolutely wonderful. To prevent the inevitable teething pain fussiness, he got a dose of Tylenol just before we left. Fortunately it worked as usual, killing the pain and allowing him to doze off in his daddy's arms. He slept there for most of the service, waking up just before it ended. He started to whine a little after waking up, but he was easily distracted and extremely social afterwards, smiling at everyone who greeted us. Neither Matt nor I had to leave with him at any point today. As we watched all the other parents walking their kids back and forth to the nursery, we were particularly proud of our little guy.

Between Patrick's great behavior and the friendly people there, it was a good experience. It's sad it's as long a drive as it is, but we think it's worth it on Sunday mornings when traffic is light. Matt and I are already planning to go back for a third visit, probably trying a class next time if we can get ourselves out of bed early enough. It's by far the best church we've visited yet since we moved to this side of Houston.

Baby in the Mirror

We still don't know what's wrong with Patrick, but I'm leaning more and more toward the teething theory. Last night was particularly bad. The crying started about the time he got his evening solid food. He refused more than a few spoonfuls, then proceeded to cry without stopping for hours. Lately he's been good about self-soothing, so when he continued fussing while being held, we tried putting him in his bed. The screaming only escalated, though. Matt and I both tried holding him, rocking him, walking him around the house, and any other trick we could imagine, and nothing worked. Finally we broke down and tried Tylenol, even though at the time we suspected an upset tummy. He continued screaming after he licked all the medicine off his lips (he actually likes the taste for some reason), so I tried yet again to put him in his bed and walk him around the house. I didn't find anything that worked--until I took him into our bathroom, where he gets his bath. He loves his bath because he gets to stare at and flirt with the baby in the mirror. Amazingly, seeing his own reflection calmed him down. I let him sit on the bathroom counter (while holding him of course) and smile and laugh and stare at Baby in the Mirror (as I've so creatively named him) for a long time. That distracted him long enough for the Tylenol to start working and for us to get his bedtime bottle ready. I guess as soon as the doctor will let us, we need to get him out socializing with other babies more. If he's that excited about seeing himself, he's probably eager to see other babies too. We're hoping next month he will be able to be around other kids more.

The Many Faces of Patrick

What started as a simple "couple of photos" to commemorate the last cool day of the season, therefore likely the last day to wear a long-sleeved outfit, turned into quite the photo shoot. Patrick must have been in a good mood to pose for me because I ended up with about fifty great pictures. It helped that his daddy was around to give tips and entertain him. So instead of posting one or two pictures, I have something else in mind for today. Grandmas: feel free to claim and print any of these you want, and let us know if you want more or different ones. I have quite the selection today.

Idol's Youngest Fan

I realized that I forgot several of Patrick's favorite things when I was listing them yesterday. How could I forget his obsession with lights, curtains, and fans? He has also developed quite the affinity for American Idol. Matt and I have both followed the show during select seasons, but we've been watching avidly this year. Any time Patrick is awake at about seven on Tuesday nights, he is glued to the TV. We already knew he had an appreciation for music, but this is something else. He seems to know the difference between commercials and the show and only pays attention to the show. I don't know that he's picked a favorite yet, but I'll let you know if he does. My favorite is Katharine-with-an-"a" of course. :)

That will have to be the only fun story for the day. I'm spending more of my day worrying some about Patrick. I'm still concerned he might be sick. He's been sleeping, spitting up, and crying more than usual. When he's awake and not crying, which is still a good amount of the time, he acts like he's fine, so I'm trying not to let myself get all worked up about it. I still have theories about what might be going on. There's always the possibility that this is all related to teething, as his gums have turned into quite the mountain range the last few days. He could also have a tummyache; Matt and I have also had slight problems with that lately. I'm hoping that it's just his acid reflux acting up again. That's the easiest to fix. As he gains weight, his body needs more medicine to control it, and I'm guessing it's about time to up his meds. That could explain the spitting up, crying, and reluctance to eat sometimes. I guess if he doesn't get any better over the weekend, I'll call the doctor on Monday.

And these are pictures of the last of the special outfits from Gigi. He wasn't exactly in much of a mood to pose for me; that's why it looks like he's glaring at the camera (or me--it's hard to tell which).

Matt says he looks like the Skipper from Gilligan's Island in this picture. It must be the combination of the round little face with the nautical stripes.

He started getting chilly after a few minutes, so I tried the sweater from Tuesday's outfit (that he didn't wear then). It matched and actually looked super preppy. He wore the outfit like this the rest of the day. Of course I had to get pictures that way. I actually like these better.

After glaring at me or squinting because of the flash for every other picture, he decided to give me a huge grin right as I snapped the final picture. Here's proof he does smile!

Fuzzy Blanket

Because of the cooler weather, we've been keeping a blanket (or two) near Patrick at all times. We've resurrected a few of the warmer blankets that we'd retired when the spring-like weather came. Among these are his two favorite blankets: the fuzzy blankets. They are super soft on one side and used to be the only blankets he would sleep with. He's clearly glad that they have been pulled back out of his drawer. When I cover him with one, instead of kicking it off immediately like he does with the other blankets, he pulls it to him and holds it with a death grip with both hands. I love that he already has a blankie that he claims as his own. It's great that he's starting to make his likes and dislikes so obvious.

Likes: fuzzy blankies, Gloworm, bananas, riding in the car, Daddy
Dislikes: medicine, teething, being hungry, being in his carseat when the car isn't moving, waking up without Mommy or Daddy around

Yesterday evening was a fussy one. We're not sure of the exact culprit, but we're guessing it was either teething or an upset tummy or both. He even cried through his solids feeding, which never happens. That's one of his favorite times in the day. Fortunately he is making up for yesterday's fussiness today. He's been charming all day, barely even crying. He's a lot of fun when he's like this. I'm glad these days are becoming more frequent and the fussy days less so.

As promised, here are a few pictures of Patrick in his special outfit he wore yesterday. Some of these turned out a lot better than I expected. I think the second picture below is my new favorite picture of him. If you notice, I've changed my profile photo to this one (quite a feat, let me tell you).

He was still pretty sleepy after his nap, so he wasn't particularly smiley. Every picture had a serious look. In reality, it's a sleepy look, but I'll call it contemplative instead. And no, I don't know what he's looking up at here.

And my new favorite picture. Again the serious look, but his eyes are so beautiful. He looks older than his age because of his eyes, despite the baby rolls and chubby cheeks.

First Week of Spring

Well, I hear this is supposed to be the first week of spring. It's a good thing Matt got those fans up before spring hit...especially since it's colder this week than it has been probably since January. We got two nights to try out the fans before reluctantly turning them off with chattering teeth and goose bumps. We probably should have turned on the heater last night, but it seems such a shame to have to do that in late March. Either way, it's given me one more chance to have Patrick wear his warmer outfits in this size before he outgrows them for good. His Gigi bought him several adorable warm outfits long before he was born, when we were still expecting him to be wearing 0-3 month clothes during the official winter months, and once he finally grew into them, the weather was too warm to wear them. So this week, he's wearing them while he can. You can expect photos of him every day this week as he wears another of these special outfits. This one may be short-sleeved, but it came with a cute sweater. It just wasn't quite cool enough yesterday to wear the sweater too. I guess I should have saved it for today!
By the way, this is one of the softest outfits he's worn. He certainly seemed to like it and didn't mind how much longer it took to undo the many buttons around his crotch area when I changed his diaper.

This is Patrick sitting up in his boppy pillow. I got the idea from my friend Shannon. It gives him a little support, but he has to do all the balancing on his own. He wouldn't look at the camera while sitting, though; I guess the flash distracted him.

Last night around 9:00, we suddenly lost our wireless signal. After a long phone call to our cable provider and some looking on his own, Matt was still unable to fix the problem. We were seriously worried that Internet was going to be out for several days. My first thought was, "But then I might miss a day or two of blogging!" It's really sad that the thought terrified me. Matt and I were already discussing ways that I could still blog and post the blogs online to work around the problem. Fortunately the problem mostly fixed itself by this morning, which is how I'm blogging as usual right now. Still, that's pretty sad that I would feel like a part of my day was missing if I couldn't blog. I never thought I would become such a blog addict!

Hidden Talents

I'd been starting to get a little concerned about Patrick in the last few weeks. He's been rolling over from front to back on and off from his second month but never even tried to roll from back to front. He only rolled from front to back sporadically, a couple of times in one night and then not again for a week or so. I was starting to worry that he wasn't developing right because of how he wasn't even really trying to roll over.

Then yesterday, I stopped worrying at all. He was napping when I went to take my shower, and I checked him on the baby monitor to make sure he was settled before going out of earshot for a few minutes. Sure enough, he was sleeping, but what was interesting is that he was sleeping on his belly. Obviously I had placed him in his crib on his back. He had promptly rolled over onto his belly as soon as I left the room to get himself more comfortable. Now I wonder how long he's had this talent and hid it from us. What else does he do when we're not around? He's probably writing novels, practicing long speeches, and running marathons. No wonder he seems to like being alone in his room sometimes!

By the way, have I mentioned how proud I am of Matt for installing those fans by himself this weekend? He did a great job, and they're already helping the temperature in the house considerably. Patrick loves it too. This morning when I changed his diaper before his morning feeding, he was screaming, as usual. All my best efforts to entertain him went unnoticed. Then suddenly the fan caught his attention, and he stopped crying immediately. He proceeded to giggle and smile at the fan and even talk to it. Let me tell you--that makes me feel loved, that the fan is more entertaining than I am. Oh, well, whatever works!

The Giraffe

Today was a beautiful spring day, the first official one I believe, so I dressed Patrick in one of his springiest outfits, the safari outfit. He looked so comfy I had to get some pictures of him. It only made sense to take pictures with his giraffe from Dottie (my sister's mother-in-law, practically an extra grandma for Patrick) because of the giraffe on his shirt. He hadn't gotten to play with this toy before and seemed to love holding him--and eating his ears too. Too bad I didn't get any pictures of that. I don't know why he feels like he always has to be so serious in pictures. He's more posing with the giraffe here than hugging him.
I love this cute yawn. He looks like he's getting ready to fall asleep with the giraffe.

I think this is my favorite giraffe picture. I like the look on his face.

And after much trying and many deleted pictures, I finally have the obligatory feet picture. I wish I had something in the picture to compare them to so everyone can see how small they are. The rolls at the ankles make them look cute and baby-ish anyway, though.

Every Time

(Warning: I have a feeling only my Aunt Judy will appreciate this first paragraph. If your sense of humor isn't the same as Aunt Judy's, you may want to skip it. If you don't know my Aunt Judy, you've been warned; proceed at your own risk.)

Every time I put Patrick in his high chair for a meal, it happens. It is no longer Matt's presence that clears out Patrick's system but the high chair, otherwise known as his throne, instead. Patrick will suddenly stop opening his mouth for food, get a distracted look on his face, stare over my shoulder, and concentrate really hard. Usually his face will turn red also. It's not until I hear the splat that I can continue to feed him. I'm starting to wonder if he's trying to make room for more food. Sometimes he works so hard to make that room that he makes himself spit up too. It's kind of mean, but I have to laugh at him when I see that. His solid food diapers are, as predicted, different, more solid and a different smell. The smell is contained better in the diaper when it's on him, to the point where Matt and I debate whether it's truly dirty, but they stink much, much worse when off him. His Diaper Genie cannot contain this smell at all. And to make matters worse, Matt took on a nice project this weekend of putting fans up in our bedroom and Patrick's room. Now the fan can constantly circulate that poopy smell throughout his room and sometimes out into the rest of the house too. Patrick's Oust fan is trying desperately to keep up, but it's learning quickly that it can't quite cut it. I almost pity it for its continued meager efforts when it knows it will fall so short of its monumental task.

On a much sadder note, I found out a little while ago that my sister-in-law's mother passed away yesterday evening. She had been suffering from cancer for some time, and the family knew this was imminent, but that does not make it any less tragic. Hearing the news from my mother in particular has hit me hard today. My sister-in-law is not much older than me, and her mother wasn't much older than my mother. It's shocking to think of someone as young as we are having to go through the loss of a parent. But at the same time, I get the feeling that it is no easier knowing your parents have lived a full life and have them pass away more naturally of old age. My parents are such an important part of my life that as each day passes, I grow closer to them. That will only make it harder to live life without them. I don't even want to think about that possibility. I hate having this reality check for that reason, but at least it is reminding me to value my parents so much more and cherish each day I get to keep them around.

In Patrick news, we were able to take another big step last night. We'd had his bed elevated since we brought him home to help control his acid reflux. Last night, though, we leveled it out again. He's started squirming so much in his bed that he would rotate himself upside down and all sorts of crazy directions regularly. The elevation doesn't work so well when his head is at the low end, so we decided he would be better off having his bed level. That makes him one step closer to being completely normal.

By the way, Patrick slept much better last night. He didn't wake up at 5-ish like he did over the weekend. I'm guessing it's the thunderstorm we had on and off all morning. The clouds kept the sun from being as bright so early, and the white noise from the rain kept him drowsy. I know both Matt and I sleep better when it's raining, so it's only logical for it to do the same for Patrick. Matt and I feel much better rested after the long, uninterrupted sleep; Patrick must too, based on how strongly he's resisting taking his nap right now. I'm not sure...is that a good thing or a bad thing?

Another Unpredictable Day

Again, today started out defying all routines. That was somewhat expected as we were planning to adjust the morning routine to accommodate church. Patrick, however, had something else in mind. He woke up screaming before six this morning, and Matt and I took shifts comforting him until about 7:30. Unless Matt was walking him around, he insisted on screaming. We were so hoping he would give up and go back to sleep for a little while so that we could still try church. There was no way we could go with that little sleep, though. We were both feeling under the weather from the lack of sleep. Fortunately Patrick cooperated after his first feeding by going back to bed for several hours. I'm not sure why he's suddenly decided to wake up about two hours earlier than normal the last couple of days. We fed him more food later than normal last night (and closer to his last solid feeding), so he shouldn't have been hungry that early. But that's our only guess.

It looks like Patrick is starting to grow out of the first of his 0-3 month outfits. This adorable yellow jumper will be the first to go, so I had to get a picture of it before retiring it. Fortunately he was in a mood to look cute. I just love him in yellow.

And I look absolutely hideous in this picture (Saturday afternoon at 2:30-ish after my last nap and I hadn't showered or anything yet), but Patrick looks so happy I had to post the picture anyway. He only smiles like this for his daddy, so you can guess who snapped this picture.

Good Friends

I forgot to mention in the post from last night that I had a special treat yesterday. My friend Melanie whom I've known since high school came to spend the afternoon with me. She lives in Clear Lake, on the other side of Houston from where I live now, but where I spent my junior high and high school years. We'd been trying for several months to find a time to get together and hang out, and yesterday it finally happened. It was great seeing her again. She's fun to hang out with; we can talk about everything together. That was also her first time to see Patrick. They got along really well. Patrick must have been able to tell what a great person she is. Anyway, it made for a great afternoon. She even got to go to the doctor with us.

So far today has defied all routines. Patrick woke up much earlier than normal, not really hungry but definitely mad, and it took both Matt and me about half an hour to get him calmed down enough to get him back to sleep (Matt had the magic touch finally). Then when he woke up for his first feeding for the day, he took his time eating. And less than three hours later, he was already awake to eat yet again. Again he took his time eating, a total of nearly two and a half hours to eat breastmilk followed by solid food. He must have been super hungry. He ate much more of the solid food than usual, over half a jar of Gerber bananas and almost the usual amount of rice cereal in addition. I truly didn't realize I had been starving him by not feeding him more before. He's now sleeping comfortably. I, however, didn't get that chance. I was still exhausted from sleeping only in short spurts since about five this morning, so I tried to get a nap after Patrick finally finished eating. I guess I slept another half an hour to an hour--better than nothing, but I'm still tired. I should sleep well tonight. Let's hope Patrick does too.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

I normally ignore pointless holidays like this one, but St. Patrick's Day is somewhat significant for our family. You see, Patrick isn't named that merely because we like the name; he first became a part of our lives a year ago today. TMI? I'm sorry. It's just a funny story. But that's all the details I'm giving.

We did go to his doctor today for his last Synagis shot. He got weighed and measured again, and the numbers were significantly more comforting: 11 lbs, 9.6 oz, and 23 1/4 inches. (Actually, he was 11 lbs, 8.6 oz after he peed on the nurse.) That means he gained an ounce short of a pound and half an inch from last month. It may not be as significant a growth as previous months, but it's certainly nothing to worry about.

My breast infection is completely gone already. Thanks for the prayers. I never did get a fever or the usual aches and didn't have to call the doctor for antibiotics. That's a great change from normal. I usually groan the first time I feel that painful lump, knowing the ordeal that will follow. That's one change I definitely appreciate.

I'll leave the random tidbits today with one sweet story from last night. Patrick was apparently in a really cuddly mood yesterday (I loved it of course). After his last feeding for the day, he was completely zoning, so we started to get him ready for bed. His daddy wanted to be the one to take him into his room and put him to bed. As soon as he reached for Patrick, Patrick got much more alert and grinned at Matt. Then he spread his arms around Matt's chest as far as they would go, like a big bear hug, and nuzzled his head under Matt's chin. It was clear that was exactly where he wanted to be. I regret that I didn't get a picture of it; it has to be one of the sweetest things I've ever seen.

Playtime Pictures

Patrick was in a great mood this afternoon, so we played for a long time on the floor. I got a few pictures of him playing on his special quilt made by some good friends at my parents' church in Dallas. I honestly think the quilt is almost as beautiful as Patrick is cute. So enjoy the pictures of both!
He likes spreading his arms and legs out as far as they go, I guess to make himself look bigger than he is. He's also smiling his little half-smile for the camera; it's more than he'll usually do when I'm taking pictures. I particularly like his "T is for Tractor" outfit. I'm guessing the only tractor he's seen so far is the one on his outfit.
I really, really love this one when he's on his belly. He was concentrating hard trying to roll over. I actually have several pictures following this one as he pushed himself over. It's a cool sequence, but this one turned out the best, mostly because of that great expression on his face.

Taste the World

As the title suggests, Patrick has now reached that stage in his development where he wants to experience the world through his mouth. As soon as he gets something in his hand (and sometimes before), his instant reaction is to bring it to his mouth. It's so cute to watch. He'll suck on his hand or thumb just about any time now, even if I'm in the middle of feeding him solid food. He has started hugging his burp rags like a blankie and pulling them to his mouth often too. I love it! Not only does it calm him down some when he's crying, but it's also neat to watch his reaction as he tastes everything.

We've had two developments in his consumption of solids too. We decided to start adding flavor to his diet, so he now eats rice cereal with bananas around lunchtime. He really seems to like its taste. In the next few days, I'll probably start him on the normal Gerber baby food too. Any suggestions what few flavors I should try next? Obviously I'm new at this whole thing, so I'm open to what worked for other people's kids. We've also started feeding him twice a day as of last night. Based on his reaction, he was ready for another solid meal. I'm also hoping he stays full longer this way and starts putting on more weight again.

I know everyone's curious how the first night without the apnea monitor went. Surprisingly it was normal, except for not sticking the leads to his chest before putting him to bed. I think I can manage without that one extra step in his bedtime routine. Patrick acted like nothing had changed and slept just as well. I slept the same too, not even feeling the need to get up and check on him at all. I kind of thought I would check on him, as this was the first time I didn't have the monitor to tell me he was doing fine. But it dawned on me that if he never had a problem with the monitor on, then why should he have a problem the first time he didn't have it on? The odds of that happening are incredibly small. The monitor didn't prevent problems; it just let us know if one might be happening. That thought calmed me well enough that I slept fine.

And please be praying for me. I think I may be getting yet another breast infection. I have the sore spot and lump, but fortunately the fever and aches are staying away so far. If I can take care of the sore spot before the other symptoms hit, I won't have to call the doctor and go on antibiotics this time. That's what I'm hoping for. I hate having to keep up with such a rigorous medication schedule, especially when I have to remember Patrick's meds too. That's just too much for my failing memory.

The Monitor Drama Has Ended!

Yes, you heard me right. This should be my last blog about the cursed apnea monitor. Let me update everyone on how that happened.

If you remember back a little over a week ago, Patrick had been sentenced to the monitor for at least another month because of a few bradycardia attacks (low heart rate). I thought it was hogwash and was trying to get his pulmonologist to take a look at the data from the monitor to verify the problem. Then in the last five days, his monitor went off for bradycardia attacks four of those days. It's highly unusual to go off for a false alarm, so I started worrying and called the pulmonologist again and got an appointment for this afternoon.

After a very long and eventful drive (a story for another day), we finally arrived fifteen minutes late. He got his vital stats taken again (11 lbs 4 oz, and 22 1/4 in--I doubt the length at least) and waited for the doctor. When the doctor finally got to the examining room, he only took a quick look at Patrick and spent most of his time explaining the report from the other people who had analyzed his monitor data. Apparently the doctor who had analyzed it is "a total quack," in the words of the pulmonologist. If the bradycardia attacks were real, which he doubts, six minor attacks in a month is completely normal for any baby. Patrick has been deemed a normal baby now. He is at no more risk for a "serious episode" of apnea or bradycardia than any normal full-term baby. Hence, the monitor is gone. We need to contact the people in charge of the monitor to get them to pick it up, but until then it can sit quietly by the door. Our days of being woken up by a shrill, piercing alarm in the middle of the night are over! If you can't tell, I couldn't be happier.

I am somewhat worried that Patrick's weight seems to have tapered off some. He hasn't even gained a full pound from last month and actually lost height according to the stats we got today. Granted, the measurements were taken by different people on a different scale with different methods, which doesn't exactly improve my confidence in the numbers. But I still expected him to weigh more than that and to definitely be taller than that. I can tell he's grown a lot taller. We have an appointment with his pediatrician (one more immunization) on Friday, so I will hopefully have more accurate measurements then. There the measurements will be taken the same way as usual and most likely by the same nurse. If he hasn't gained much, though, I will probably ask to speak to the doctor to find out what we can do to help the problem. He already eats a lot, but maybe I need to be feeding him more (if he'll eat more, that is). It would be worth asking the doctor his opinion anyway.

And while we were at the pulmonologist's office today, Patrick made a point to flirt with all the nurses. He should have been screaming from hunger or discomfort most of the time we were there, but he was happy and smiley instead. He just ate up all the compliments. It was cute to watch him be so content and social. What are the odds he keeps that up when he gets older?

Another Milestone

Actually, Patrick didn't reach another milestone yesterday; I did. I left the house to run an errand completely by myself for the first time yesterday, completely by myself meaning without even Patrick with me. We needed groceries, and I volunteered to take care of the shopping if Matt would watch Patrick. That's a huge deal for me. I typically prefer staying at home, and I don't really like going places on my own when I can't avoid going altogether. For some reason last night, I just felt the need to get out of the house on my own for a few minutes. Simple as the outing was, it was nice. I even got to drive my old car again for the first time in about four months (it's not really big enough for a car seat). The whole thing was so comfortable that I'm starting to wonder why I didn't try it sooner.

When I got home, I found Patrick on Matt's lap doing this:
He had grabbed Matt's finger and brought it to his mouth very deliberately, while hugging his burp rag to him with the other arm. He clearly knew what he wanted, and it wasn't his pacifier. He wanted to use Daddy's finger as a pacifier instead. I got my chance to let him grab my finger and suck on it for a minute, so I can vouch for Patrick's deliberateness. It may seem like such a simple accomplishment, but it was so sweet. The way he so desperately wanted to hold on to us brought tears to our eyes. One more good result of socializing with all the new people over the weekend is that it made Patrick bond to familiar faces and people better (i.e. me and Matt). He has been much more content just to be in Matt's or my presence. The only times he cried today were when he was alone and wanted to be with us again. It is so heart-warming to see the small ways that he is starting to show us he loves us. I think just watching him smile at us when he sees us is enough to tide me over until he can audibly tell us he loves us. These small things are enough for me now.

Mommy Wars

While I was feeding Patrick this morning, I had the Today Show on in the background. They were doing a report about something they called "mommy wars." The report discussed the animosity between working moms and stay-at-home moms. The psychologist they interviewed suggested that the animosity stems from some level of unsatisfaction about the decision whether or not to work. Each kind of mom feels the need to defend her choice, even if it is a choice made from necessity, both to herself and others. A part of every mom feels like she is missing out on something as a result of that choice, the psychologist suggested.

First of all, I didn't even realize there was a war going on. I have complete respect for all the working moms out there. I know not everybody can stay at home with their kids, for either financial reasons or otherwise. Maybe I'm just too secluded or too new to this mommy thing to know about this war going on around me. I think a larger part of it, though, is that I am completely satisfied with my decision to stay home with Patrick. I don't feel the need to defend myself because I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything by not working. I didn't particularly love working before becoming a mommy, and now I get the chance to do what I've always wanted to do. Could it be that my complete satisfaction is what allows me to be so open-minded to my working mommy friends? Either way, the psychologist must have been generalizing to say that all moms second-guess their decision whether or not to work. Then again, I've never really been normal.

And here's what you've all been waiting for. I have a few pictures from the weekend to post. We didn't take too many on our camera because there were so many other cameras there, but I may collect a few more from the other photographers there later. In other words, this may not be the end of the wedding pictures.

Here's Patrick in his rehearsal dinner outfit.

And Patrick in his tiny tux

Here's Patrick hanging out with his great-grandmother after the wedding.

And Patrick posing with Nana after the wedding--Isn't my mom gorgeous here?

And finally, here's the obligatory four-generation picture. (Yes, finally I have posted a picture of myself. It's not the best, as it was taken at the end of a very long day, but at least my hair was pretty.)

Home Sweet Home

We returned home this evening from the chaos that is a family reunion. It was sad leaving, especially when most of the family gets to stay longer, but there is something sweet and comforting about returning to my own home. Patrick was also relieved to be home. He started fussing when the car stopped in the garage and stopped again after I'd brought him into the house and he recognized where he was. Normally he cries when he is left in his car seat after we bring him into the house, so for him to stop crying in the same situation is significant. He was all smiles for quite a while after that. He clearly enjoyed all the socialization with the new people around this weekend, but I think it started to get overwhelming after a while. There was just too much "newness" with new people and unfamiliar settings and routines. He must like being back home in a familiar environment with familiar people and routines again.

I feel the same way, actually. I love my crazy family and enjoy spending time with them, especially the ones who live far away that I only get to see every few years. I spend too much time basically alone, however, to thrive on that much noise and chaos for long periods of time. That means as much as I dread leaving them, I also feel some sense of relief in the resulting quiet. In a way, it makes me love both being with my family and being alone more. I suppose that is a sign of a good family, when they can unknowingly help me be more content in any situation.

Patrick really seemed to love all his extended family. Matt and I have a theory that Patrick is a good judge of character. The people Patrick gets the most attached to are the sweetest people, even if they don't naturally come across that way. It means a lot to me that he so quickly became attached to my aunts and uncles, and his aunts and uncles and great-grandmother, and all the other even more extended family he met. I think that says something about the people I'm related to. I must say I'm lucky to be related to such great people, both by blood and by marriage.

He Looks Like His Daddy!

One great thing about seeing new people and relatives we haven't seen in ages is that they have a more objective opinion about Patrick. I heard the line, "He looks just like his daddy!" numerous times in the past few days. As close as I am to both Patrick and his daddy, it's hard for me to tell that. I love hearing it, though. I will be quite proud of my little guy if he turns out like his daddy, in personality and in looks. I will post a side-by-side comparison of Patrick and his daddy when I get baby pictures of Matt; from what I hear they could be twins.

As far as the wedding goes, it was a beautiful wedding and fun reception. The bride was gorgeous, of course. She will make a great addition to our family. Patrick decided the best time to cry was right during the ceremony, so Matt and I missed the first half as we walked him outside trying to get him to quiet down and fall asleep. Matt's parents were able to attend the wedding as well and took over our calming duties halfway through. That means Matt and I got to be there at the exact moment my brother and new sister-in-law were pronounced man and wife. Of course, immediately after the ceremony ended, Patrick fell fast asleep in my arms for the next two hours. He certainly knows when he needs to be quiet--that's when he screams. Either way, it was a beautiful wedding, and I'm glad I got to be there for it.

It is incredibly late, so I will have to postpone all other stories about the weekend and photos of Patrick in his tux until tomorrow evening. Check back then for the cute stuff.

Chaos

As expected, all chaos has broken loose this weekend. We are in Dallas for my brother's wedding, along with half the country it seems, who are apparently somehow related to either my family or my new sister-in-law's family. It's just about midnight, and this is the first chance I've had to try to blog all day. It will have to be a short one.

Patrick is handling all the new people fairly well. He's been very curious about all the activity, watching as people walk near him and staring at whoever is holding him. It's comforting that he is still partial to me and Matt, though, as well as his grandparents (both sets). I'm glad he recognizes us that well and is comfortable around us. These new experiences must be somewhat overwhelming for him at times. His usual daily routine includes two familiar faces and the occasional drive-through-window operator's face or the grocery store cashier's face. Seeing this many new faces in a day, especially faces he's related to, is a big deal for him. Despite a few crying spells most likely from exhaustion as much as overstimulation, he enjoyed being social and meeting all the new people. I still have no idea where he could have inherited his social skills; they are far superior to either of his parents' social skills!

One more side note for tonight, and then I must try to get a few hours of sleep before the chaos returns in the morning. I've noticed the number of comments on the posts decreasing while the number of visitors to the blog is not. I want to take a moment to encourage anybody reading this to take a moment to comment. While many of the current comments are from family and friends, I welcome anybody to leave a comment (especially the family and friends who I know read this but haven't commented yet). It's very encouraging for me to continue writing every day when I have feedback. Thank you to everyone who does comment regularly!

Storytime

Gather 'round everyone for stories of our favorite hero, Patrick. Yesterday was a day filled with anecdotes of Patrick being cute. I've narrowed it down to two of the best. I'll title them "Bathtime" and "Mommy Hairs."

Bathtime

Patrick was inexplicably fussy when it came time for his bath today. He didn't seem mad when he woke up from his nap and I started to get him ready for his bath, usually his favorite time of day. I changed him out of a very wet diaper, and the screaming began. It didn't sound like a scream of pain or hunger, just frustration at something mysterious.

The crying continued throughout his bath, which is normally the most peaceful time of the day. He squirmed and squirmed--not good when I'm trying to hold onto a slippery, wet baby. He hit his head on the side of the tub several times because I couldn't hold all his flailing limbs away from the edges at once (side note: could it be time for a bigger tub?). Of course, that only made him madder, and he made sure to let me know how he felt. I'm quite sure he was angry with me based on what happened next.

Patrick peed. I know that's not unusual for a baby boy, but Patrick stopped doing that in the tub ages ago. He only ever peed during his bath if he had been awakened early from a nap for a bath or if he hadn't wet his diaper recently. Neither was an issue today. Just before he peed, he arched his back, turning himself to face directly at me; he usually faces the other direction so he can watch the baby in the mirror. When I caught the pee with the washcloth, keeping it from soaking me, he waited until I moved the washcloth again, giving him a clear shot to try again. And he peed again. There wasn't enough force behind the arc to think he just needed to go that badly. It looked like he was forcing himself to go, as if the entire situation was deliberate. Could it be that he was trying to pee on Mommy? I'll never know, but I'll always have my suspicions.

Mommy Hairs

I've mentioned before that Patrick seems to always be clutching at least one of my hairs. As soon as I extract the mini-mommy-hairball from his fist, more miraculously appear. Matt and I joke that he's storing them somewhere. One day we'll lift the mattress in his crib, and a full-sized model of me made out of hair will fall out.

This evening we may have unraveled some of the mystery of the Mommy hairs. Obviously he collects some of the hairs when he eats. He enjoys clutching my hair with one hand then. I'm used to it now, and it does explain some of the hair we find him with. This evening, though, I was holding him while he was being social. He was balancing on his feet while leaning against me, chest to chest. He'd reached one arm around my upper arm, supposedly for extra balance. Matt jokingly commented, "I wonder if he's looking for hairs you've shedded on your back." (There are always several loose hairs stuck to the back of my shirt.) We couldn't help but laugh when he pulled his arm back around to the front, and sure enough, he had a hair in his fist. We had pulled one out of that hand only minutes earlier, so he had definitely grabbed it off my back. That explains that part of the mystery! Now if we could only figure out what he's planning to do with all the hair...

By the way, Matt, Patrick, and I are heading out of town this evening for my brother's wedding in Dallas. I will try to continue blogging every day--I don't want to break this great streak I'm on--but we have a busy schedule, and it may be difficult to find time to blog every day. At the very least, you can expect some adorable pictures from the wedding when we get back. Patrick in a little boy tux...that'll get you to check back later if nothing else will!

Some Updates

I have several things to update everyone about today.

• After bragging about how great and happy Patrick was all day on Monday, he followed up with an incredibly fussy day yesterday. Any time he wasn't crying, he was sleeping, except of course for the relatively small amount of time he was eating. I actually missed him yesterday, as he spent much of the day in his room sleeping.
• I heard from Patrick's pediatrician on Monday. They had received the interpretation of the data from Patrick's apnea monitor. Yes, after I specifically asked them to send the data itself to the pulmonary specialist, they still managed to send it to the wrong place. At least they didn't lose the data this time. I'm quite sure their interpretation is wrong, though. They said he'd had six bradycardia attacks (where the heartrate drops too low) in the few weeks' worth of data they had. If that was true, he would need to keep the monitor for probably another month to prove he was truly past having those kinds of attacks. I'm suspicious, though, because I only remember the monitor going off because of bradys a couple of times, and they were all in one night. They're rare enough that I remember them well. I watched him during these "attacks" twice, I think, and they were certainly not real brady attacks. I've held him when he's had real ones, and he did not act the same way. Twice that night, I found his leads not connecting correctly; one lead was barely stuck to his belly the next morning (they're supposed to be placed just inside his armpits). I doubt they were real attacks so much that I'm trying to get the pulmonary specialist to do his own interpretation to see if he agrees with the interpretation we already have. I'm still reluctant to take Patrick off the monitor, even though I'm sure he's ready for it. For some reason, I just can't go against medical advice, even if I know it's ridiculous.
• Last night, I couldn't sleep, so I stayed up looking at all the pictures of Patrick I have saved on the computer. I was specifically looking for really bad, blurry pictures that I could delete; they're taking up too much memory. It was a lot of fun, though. I have a lot more really good ones than I remembered taking. I suppose that because I could only post so many of them here, I forgot about all but the best from each photo session. Sorry, this is a pointless story, but I just had to brag about all the cute pictures I have of Patrick.
• Here's one more picture from yesterday's photo shoot. His face looks different than I've ever seen it in this picture. I think it's the way he's looking at me, with his chubby cheeks and that hint of a smile on his face. I really wonder what he's thinking when I see that look in his eyes. The picture kind of looks old-fashioned, I think. It looks like it could just as easily be a picture of his daddy maybe. I don't know what it is; I just like the picture. So enjoy!

Five Months Old

Today Patrick turns five months old. February is a deceitful month; it is shorter than expected, so a month passes before you even realize it. It seems like only a week or so ago when I did my four-month birthday post. By the way, it's one of the best and might be worth delving into the archives if you haven't read it yet.

Anyway, in the last month, Patrick has developed a lot. He now eats solids once a day, balances sitting up on his own, sleeps well through the night, smiles and laughs more often, is teething in earnest now, and idolizes his daddy. He turns into more of a little man every day.

The other day I started working on collecting pictures for Patrick's photo album. All the pictures we have of him are digital, and I haven't gotten around to printing any out yet. I got motivated enough the other day to at least start choosing which pictures I want to include and figuring out how to print them, if not actually print any. As I perused all those pictures, I began to realize just how much Patrick has grown and developed in the past few months. For example, here's a picture taken at Thanksgiving, when he was about one and a half months old.

(Thanks to my brother Steve for the picture)

Patrick looks so tiny and like he hasn't started to grow into his skin yet. He reminds me of an old man in so many of the pictures we have of him from this time period because of the way the skin on his face wrinkles. It's cute, but I much prefer his chubby cheeks and Michelin-man arms that I'm used to now. It's hard for me to imagine that at one time I thought the size he was in this picture was pretty big. Of course, it is compared to what I was used to seeing when he was still in the hospital.

When you look at his five-month picture, though, taken earlier today, you can see just how preemie-ish he looked then, as much as he had grown already. He looks much healthier now. If you didn't know better, you'd just think he was a normal baby who was small for his age.

So much from those early months is already starting to fade into just vague memories. Of course I can remember his birth and those months in the hospital, but I've forgotten exactly how tiny he was and what I felt going to visit him every day. I'm so used to this new routine that I can't fathom the routine of driving an hour across town every evening. It's funny how looking at one of his early pictures can bring back all those memories, though. I'll never completely forget those moments from his early days, but I think I prefer leaving them as more vague, fuzzy ideas of a memory. There is still so much pain associated with those days in the hospital that if the memories are dulled, so is that pain. The only things that stay clear are the pictures we have, and they generally invoke happy memories. That means the happy memories are clear and the painful memories are fuzzy. I think we can all agree that is for the best.

And here is one last picture that was just too cute to keep to myself. This one was also taken today with the first teddy bear Matt and I bought for him before he was born. It's great that he's finally bigger than the bear!

Pouty Lip

I finally got a picture of Patrick doing "pouty lip." He does this when he's unhappy about something but isn't to the point of screaming. This usually means he wants more attention or something else minor. He reserves the crying for real problems or if he continues to not get what he wants. I don't think he likes that it makes us laugh. It's just so funny! Apparently his daddy used to do the same thing when he was little. Could it be genetic?

Again, this morning I woke up to the sounds of Patrick's Gloworm. I like this new habit of him waking up happy and playing quietly until we come rescue him from the crib. I'm a lot happier first thing in the morning when he smiles at me when he first sees me instead of crying. Hmm, I just realized that he hasn't screamed at all today yet. At this rate, today is going to be a really good day.

And I have one more fun Patrick story for today. We've started having problems feeding him when Matt is sitting next to me. The way I hold him, he can see his daddy out of the corners of his eyes when he's eating on one side. His daddy distracts him, and he tries to watch him instead of eating. Sometimes he tries to eat at the same time but is so focused on watching Daddy that he's not paying attention to where his mouth is and ends up sucking at the air instead. It's adorable that he can get so caught up in watching his daddy. He clearly adores Matt. I hope that never changes. It warms my heart so much to see my two boys together that it doesn't bother me that he doesn't look at me the same way. I just want so badly for Patrick and Matt to have a good relationship; I don't care if I have a very different relationship with Patrick.

Bathtime Pictures and Other Stuff

I'm disappointed because we missed church yet again this morning. Today was because Matt didn't feel up to it. He's been having problems with his back for the last couple of weeks. Some days are better than others, but early this morning was one of the worst. He woke up before dawn and had to stay up for several hours until the pain mostly went away before he could go back to sleep. We chose to let him catch up on that missed sleep instead of going to church. I really wanted to go today; we had decided to visit the church from a couple of weeks ago again. Maybe we'll try again in two weeks (next week if we go to church, it'll be my parents' church in Dallas).

There's not much other news or any deep, sentimental thoughts to relay today, so instead here are some pictures of Patrick right after his bath last night. With Matt around, I was able to bathe him while Matt played photographer. Isn't Patrick photogenic?
The bear hooded towel is my favorite. Patrick doesn't hate it either. In fact, he tends to enjoy his baths.
It was also fun playing with some of the effects in our photo-editing program. I thought this one looked pretty neat. He's even cute in black and white!

Fighting Sleep

After a really drowsy day on Thursday, Patrick decided to rebel against sleep yesterday. He woke up much earlier than normal, then refused to fall back asleep. I finally persuaded him to take a good nap in the early afternoon, but that was the last sleep he had the rest of the day. He was definitely ready to sleep when it was bedtime.

His lack of sleep made for frustrating day for me too. The more he fought sleep, the fussier he got. There wasn't a thing I could do to help him relax enough to fall asleep. I wonder if he understand the irony in his actions: he cried because he was tired, and the crying kept him from falling asleep. Once he finally fell asleep in that good afternoon nap, he was in a much better mood for a little while, until he started fighting sleep yet again.

I don't know what the problem is. He's doing the same thing now, crying because he's tired yet refusing to fall asleep. He doesn't seem to be hurting from teething or anything else. He has a nice and full belly. He just dirtied a diaper, so his belly shouldn't hurt from that and his diaper is clean. He doesn't want me to hold him until he gets comfortable, but he doesn't want me to leave him alone. Why can't he just tell me what he wants? I'm tired of guessing!

Now it's time for a better story. Earlier this morning, I was roused from a deep sleep by soft music playing. I felt Matt next to me, so my first instinct that he had gotten up and was watching TV was wrong. It took me a few minutes to figure out what it was I was hearing. It was the sound of lullabies coming from Patrick's monitor. Patrick must have found Gloworm sleeping next to him and decided to wake him up. He rarely plays with Gloworm by himself, so it was a different sound to hear without one of us in the room with him. I guess he just woke up before we did and wasn't hungry yet, so he played contentedly in his crib until we came to get him or he got hungry. That was a first. Usually I wake up to the sounds of screaming, not lullabies. I like this change, although I doubt it will happen again for a long time.

Oops, I Forgot

The last few days I have intended to include an interesting fact or two and completely blanked when I had the opportunity in the posts to mention them. So today will mostly be a post to play catch-up about the stuff I forgot.

I think I mentioned that Patrick is developing a new fascination with his hands and is using them much more. He has figured out how to bring his hands together on purpose and hold onto them there. It's so cute when we catch him doing that; he looks so serious clasping his hands together.

Last night we discovered a new talent he can do with his hands. We'd put him in his crib for a little while when he starting crying inconsolably, hoping for at least a break from the fussing and maybe even that he would comfort himself. Sure enough, after a little while he stopped screaming. I thought maybe he'd fallen asleep, but when I snuck into his room to check, this is what I found:

He finally figured out that the crazy appendages waving at the end of his hand were good substitutes to suck on when Mommy wasn't there to hold his pacifier in. Not only is this absolutely adorable, but it also means I don't have to stay within arm's reach of him to put his pacifier in his mouth and hold it in every time he gets fussy. Now he has control of a comfort object. I hope he learns soon that his thumb is always available to him, so pictures like this don't have to happen by accident anymore.

I forgot one complaint about the apnea monitor yesterday too. We discovered the hard way that the monitor means we have to swaddle Patrick every night, no matter what, until the monitor is gone. Swaddling was a great way to help him sleep when he was really young, but at almost five months, he should be old enough to be weaned off it. We've tried several times to swaddle him more loosely or not at all, and each time has been frustrating. He wakes up more easily (usually because his unswaddled arms wave around and smack him in the head) and cries more. When he cries, he squirms, ending up all sorts of crazy places in his crib. Because the crib is raised on one end to help his reflux, gravity pulls him down to the low end when he squirms. I've found him upside down and crammed into a low corner several times. He didn't seem to like that position very much. The bigger problem with leaving him unswaddled, though, is the monitor. He likes holding onto something whenever possible, and one of the best things for him to get his little fingers around is one or both of the leads for the monitor that are stuck on his chest. He obviously gets upset when he pulls at those leads as they pull at the skin on his chest. That can't feel good. Sometimes he even pulls them off altogether (ouch!), setting off the alarm. Then his chest hurts where the leads were torn off, and the ear-piercing shriek from the alarm upsets him. The simple act of swaddling avoids all these problems. I hate that we still have to do it, though. I feel like we're keeping him from growing up and maturing at least in that respect by keeping him swaddled every night. Maybe, just maybe, we'll be able to get rid of the monitor soon, which could let us possibly start weaning him off the swaddle. I think we can find ways to keep him from squirming to the bottom of the crib. It just hasn't been worth giving it much thought when the problem with the monitor was forcing us to keep him swaddled anyway.

By the way, thanks for the many suggestions about the blog title. Several of them were really good. I finally went with one Matt came up with. For those of you who don't know, we often call Patrick "The Boy." When I start to get tired of this title, which will most likely happen, I'll delve back into all the suggestions I received in the last day or so. Thanks again for your help!

Part 8,295...

...of the never-ending saga of the apnea monitor. I realized last night that I haven't even mentioned the cursed monitor lately, much less give a complete update.

First of all, yes, we are still using the monitor, but only at night. That alone has reduced much of the stress associated with it. His skin has time to recover from the leads during the day, and Patrick is much more mobile when we don't have to drag the monitor along with him. He travels more in and out of the house now. In addition, in the last few weeks, the alarm has only gone off a handful of times. We are rarely roused from our sleep because of the monitor's alarm anymore. All in all, things have already started looking up.

We should also be hearing back from the pulmonary specialist that Patrick saw a month or so ago. If you remember, he didn't really think Patrick still needed to be on the monitor but couldn't verify that opinion until he had enough data from the monitor to prove Patrick wasn't having attacks. Then the people who take care of the monitor lost all the data he needed, confining Patrick to the monitor for this last month. Tuesday, though, I had the monitor people come back out to the house, primarily to bring us more leads, but I figured that once they were here, they might as well download the data stored on his monitor. They are supposedly going to send the information to the pulmonary specialist. He had said if he had about a month's worth of data, it would probably be enough to take him off the monitor. He should have that by Monday at the latest, which means that by this time next week we could easily have the monitor gone for good. Please pray that everything goes as planned this time and that they don't lose the data or send it to the wrong place or any other number of unexpected problems don't arise.

And just to add a nice little twist to the drama, it appears as though our insurance doesn't want to cover the cost for the monitor. We've had numerous problems with insurance this week, which have all been taken care of already, so there's a good chance this is a mistake. Either way, we're a little concerned we're going to be billed for this monitor that has been nothing but a nuisance and was probably never necessary in the first place.

Ok, the monitor rant is over. Again today, I am begging for ideas for a new title for my blog. Yesterday's comments were great, but they didn't offer any suggestions for a title. Please help! No idea will be rejected.

Other New Talents

I know I've been concentrating on how Patrick has started solids, but he's been developing in other ways as well. He has finally figured out what those things are waving around at the ends of his arms. He moves his hands and arms a lot more deliberately and brings them to his face. Sometimes when he wants something in his mouth and we're not quick with his pacifier or food, he will suck on his fingers or thumb instead. It never lasts long, but it gives us a few more minutes to get that pacifier or food ready. The only problem is when he grabs at his eyes. He did that earlier because he was sleepy, and it made him cry. I think it hurt him some (I still haven't cut his fingernails yet).

He is also talking more. The cutest was last night. I was holding him, and he started to squirm like he was uncomfortable and ready to cry. My reaction was to offer him his pacifier first. He took it, but only the very tip of it was in his mouth. He half-chewed and half-sucked it a few times while saying, "Gi-gi-gi-gi" each time (like "bye-bye" but with a g). Maybe he was asking for his grandma Gigi and just wasn't sure how to pronounce it. :) Either way, he's having fun chattering more.

Patrick really is a good baby, at least until his fangs come out, as Matt said the other day. After he said it, we realized how true the statement was. He's usually a really happy baby until his teeth start hurting him. That means his fangs come out when his teeth do. And two of the three teeth that are threatening to break the gum first are the ones in the fang positions. It may not be the usual order to cut teeth, but then Patrick's not done anything the normal way yet. It's just funny that the old cliche is actually true this time.

One more random side note--It's time that I stopped procrastinating about this. I am in desperate need of a more creative title for the blog. I have real writer's block when it comes time to title things. For that reason, I am opening myself up to all suggestions. Please, please leave me a comment with your idea for a title for the blog. If I pick your suggestion, you will be the lucky winner of...um...the unending satisfaction that you chose the permanent title of my blog (at least as permanent as hair dye :) ).

And here's a picture for your viewing enjoyment.