Twenty Months

Patrick, Patrick, Patrick...I'm not sure what to say about this twentieth month. It's been an interesting one for sure. As expected, you have finally without a doubt entered the first stages of the terrible twos. You try us and test us at every turn, willfully disobeying just to see how serious we really are about that NO. Then you'll turn around and give us the sweetest hugs. How can I love something so much when it's that insistent upon being disobedient?
I'd say part of it is that smile. You seem to have figured out how contagious that smile is, and you use it at every opportunity to get yourself out of trouble. Sometimes you try turning actions that should receive punishment into games. You pull out a drawer we can't baby-proof, we tell you, "No" sternly, and you giggle as you reach for it again. I laughed and gave in the first few times you tried this manipulation, but I'm on to you now, buddy. I love the laughing, but I'm not giving in to your games. I'd much rather hear your laugh when I tackle you and tickle you until you get the hiccups. We can both appreciate that game.

Something else I know both Daddy and I appreciate at least is the cuddliness. I absolutely treasure our untraditional breakfast routine, where you sit on my lap and watch TV with me while you eat dry cereal out of my hand. Feeling the weight of your head against my chest can relax me the way nothing else can, while at the same time bringing a lump to my throat at times. You don't even seem to mind that my lap is changing shape almost daily. It only makes our cuddle time more special when Nathan decides to butt in and kick at you for taking up his space. I have to laugh that the sibling rivalry has already begun (although I may quit laughing about it in a few months).

Speaking of Nathan, you have started to figure out that something is going on there. You're fascinated by the new crib in your room, although I get the feeling you think of it as a huge toy right now. At the doctor yesterday, you couldn't figure out where that noise was coming from when we were listening to Nathan's heartbeat. That look on your face was classic. I'm starting to wonder if you'll ever associate your little baby brother with Mommy's huge belly. (By the way, I got my first progesterone shot yesterday at the doctor as well. Hopefully this means Nathan won't come early like you did. I don't want any of us to have to go through that stress again. Other than that, the appointment went fairly smoothly, and everything is fine.)

Within the last few days and weeks, we've watched your language development take off. Daddy and I are suspecting some of your gibberish is starting to sound more like real words and phrases we say often. We've identified "Bye" (ba), "See ya," and a few other words of farewell. I also love "Ah-dah," your way of saying "All done!" Unlike many of your other words that are simply fun to hear, this one has been very helpful. I no longer guess you're finished with meals when you drop food over the side of your high chair. I know when you're done eating your snack. You make sure to let me know when the food in the microwave is done. I'm constantly amazed at all the diverse applications of this phrase you've found. You're a smart kid, for sure!

I'm hoping you continue using my favorite phrase when Nathan gets here. "Sokay" must be something you hear often from Daddy and me. You've adopted those words of comfort as your own, and we can hear you muttering "Sokay, sokay" over and over as you read your books or sit in your car seat or do other activities alone. I have to wonder if you're planning to comfort your little brother with those same words when he cries. It gives me good insight into your sensitive side that you picked up the phrase, "It's okay," long before saying the simpler word, "No."

I hope you always stay so sensitive to your own feelings and those of everyone you care about, but I also hope that you don't end up hurt because of your sensitive nature. Most of all, though, I hope this sensitive nature eases the transition into the role of big brother. Now that we have your brother's first baby things, it is becoming real to me, and I worry constantly about how you're going to adapt. I know things will be difficult for Daddy and me as well with the big transition, but I can't help but put your feelings first. You are my precious firstborn, after all, and no number of younger siblings can change your place in my heart.

I love you for always.

Mommy