Do you ever play the game where you try to remember what you were doing a year ago on this date? Or two? Or any other number? I have a pretty good memory for dates, so when a date rolls around that is stuck in my head, I can't help but play that game. Today is one of those dates. I can remember almost everything that happened one year ago today.
It all started really early in the morning, about 5:30 when I got up to get ready for school. Before even hopping in the shower, I took a pregnancy test. Obviously it was positive. That was the first time I knew we would be welcoming Patrick into our family. We'd suspected that was the case for several days, even taking several other pregnancy tests that were not clear enough that I was convinced. (By the way, I highly recommend the digital tests; there's no debating over just how faint that second pink line is that way. It's a definite answer.) Because we had suspected that long, it wasn't terribly surprising to see "pregnant" in the readout on the test. I was upset, though. This was most definitely not the best timing to have a baby. I think that's why I was so doubtful that the other tests we had taken could really be positive.
I called in sick for work so I could go to the doctor to get the pregnancy confirmed. I really was feeling sick--and had been for several days--so I didn't feel bad using a sick day. I was fortunate enough to get an appointment for just a few hours later that morning, not bad considering I didn't even have an ob-gyn before. I was terrified of the appointment, but of course it wasn't nearly as bad as I'd expected. The funniest was when they were taking me back to get a room. The nurse checked the paperwork I'd filled out and said there was no way I would be able to tell whether I was pregnant because I was only a couple of days late. Only moments after I left my sample for them, they redirected me to a different room. I realized later after discovering how the room assignments worked that that meant I was most definitely pregnant. Apparently my pregnancy hormones were already incredibly high. Of course, I didn't know that at the time, and a good part of me was still hoping the home test was wrong. When the doctor came in with a bag of "goodies," baby magazines and prenatal vitamins and stuff, that dashed that hope.
The rest of the day I spent gathering things to eat and drink that would supposedly help the nausea (they never did) and reading the baby magazines and other info the doctor sent home with me. I was hoping reading about it would make it more real to me. It didn't. It was like reading about something that could possibly happen to me sometime in the future, but not something that was happening right then. I don't think the reality of it set in for several more weeks. I'm not sure how between the nausea and the hormones I could not understand what was really happening.
Hmmm, somehow thinking back on this day isn't bringing back the emotions I thought it would. The day itself was a bit surreal, almost emotionless. It was too overwhelming at the time to let myself succumb to emotions. Now when I see it, though, I can remember more of the underlying disappointment. But I also know that it's one of the happiest days of my life--in retrospect anyway. This year has seemed to fly by, but it has also been the longest year I can remember. So much has changed in the past year. At least it has all turned out to be wonderful. I can't imagine now what would have happened if that pregnancy test had said "not pregnant" instead.
It all started really early in the morning, about 5:30 when I got up to get ready for school. Before even hopping in the shower, I took a pregnancy test. Obviously it was positive. That was the first time I knew we would be welcoming Patrick into our family. We'd suspected that was the case for several days, even taking several other pregnancy tests that were not clear enough that I was convinced. (By the way, I highly recommend the digital tests; there's no debating over just how faint that second pink line is that way. It's a definite answer.) Because we had suspected that long, it wasn't terribly surprising to see "pregnant" in the readout on the test. I was upset, though. This was most definitely not the best timing to have a baby. I think that's why I was so doubtful that the other tests we had taken could really be positive.
I called in sick for work so I could go to the doctor to get the pregnancy confirmed. I really was feeling sick--and had been for several days--so I didn't feel bad using a sick day. I was fortunate enough to get an appointment for just a few hours later that morning, not bad considering I didn't even have an ob-gyn before. I was terrified of the appointment, but of course it wasn't nearly as bad as I'd expected. The funniest was when they were taking me back to get a room. The nurse checked the paperwork I'd filled out and said there was no way I would be able to tell whether I was pregnant because I was only a couple of days late. Only moments after I left my sample for them, they redirected me to a different room. I realized later after discovering how the room assignments worked that that meant I was most definitely pregnant. Apparently my pregnancy hormones were already incredibly high. Of course, I didn't know that at the time, and a good part of me was still hoping the home test was wrong. When the doctor came in with a bag of "goodies," baby magazines and prenatal vitamins and stuff, that dashed that hope.
The rest of the day I spent gathering things to eat and drink that would supposedly help the nausea (they never did) and reading the baby magazines and other info the doctor sent home with me. I was hoping reading about it would make it more real to me. It didn't. It was like reading about something that could possibly happen to me sometime in the future, but not something that was happening right then. I don't think the reality of it set in for several more weeks. I'm not sure how between the nausea and the hormones I could not understand what was really happening.
Hmmm, somehow thinking back on this day isn't bringing back the emotions I thought it would. The day itself was a bit surreal, almost emotionless. It was too overwhelming at the time to let myself succumb to emotions. Now when I see it, though, I can remember more of the underlying disappointment. But I also know that it's one of the happiest days of my life--in retrospect anyway. This year has seemed to fly by, but it has also been the longest year I can remember. So much has changed in the past year. At least it has all turned out to be wonderful. I can't imagine now what would have happened if that pregnancy test had said "not pregnant" instead.
Labels: Feelings
1 Comments:
I think your life would be about the same, except Patrick may not have arrived just yet. I think the two of you would be very much in love and having the wonderful life you have. God gave you this gift and I know in my heart that everything is going as planned.
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