I have finally made it to the ranks of the "it" bloggers. These are the people who have been offered something free merely because of their blogs. Typically there is an assumption that the bloggers will review the free product, thus generating publicity for it. I lucked out big time for me because I was sent a free book (actually two; I got the second today). I was so thrilled that I devoured it right away. As I anticipated after reading the cover, it did draw out all kinds of emotions. I feel the need to review the book while the emotions are still fresh.
The book is The Early Birds by Jenny Minton. It's the author's memoir of her struggle to conceive, finally resorting to IVF, and then delivering her twin sons over two months early. I expected before beginning the book that it would probably bring back all the emotions through my own struggle with Patrick's prematurity, and in that way the book did not disappoint. One thing I understand better after reading the book is that almost all preemie moms go through at least some degree of the same emotions. I'd thought that was likely the case already from my increasing associations with other preemie moms, but it's interesting to see so many of my own thoughts and feelings in print, yet written by somebody else. I also learned that although some of the details of our situations may be similar--like delivering at 31 weeks, one detail I have in common with the author--every mom's experience is unique. I found myself repeatedly wondering if I truly understand what the author had to go through, despite her careful explanation of her emotions, because my experience was so vastly different from hers.
I really wanted to like the book, I really did. But I found myself nitpicking my way through it. And I closed the back cover feeling unsatisfied with it. I think I was expecting that if a preemie mom got a book published, then she must have experienced the whole story; she must have found absolution and contentment with being a preemie mom. I was waiting throughout the entire book to find her moment of enlightenment, hoping I too could be enlightened in that moment, that I would discover how to erase the persistent emotions that plague me simply because my body refused to gestate my son the full nine months. Instead of finishing the book a healed woman, though, I realized just as the author did that such a thing is not possible. The emotions having a premature baby evokes will never go away completely. With time, preemie moms can learn to cope with them, as the author did, but we will always be haunted by those memories.
My biggest criticism of the book all along was the lack of direction. I felt as if the author was merely trying to tell her story but had no purpose to it. As a former English teacher, I still cannot fathom the concept of writing a story without a clear point or theme to it. At times the book felt directionless. I got the impression that the author wasn't entirely sure how or when to end the book either. When exactly does her story end? Certainly not when her sons left the hospital, nor when they reach a particular milestone. She can't end with her sons finally graduating to "normal," because who can say when that happens? And she can't end the moment she comes to terms with her traumatic experience; does that ever happen? The best she can do is catch us up-to-date with how her sons, family, and herself are doing now (or at the book's publication anyway). I also wonder if the supposed lack of direction or a theme is a theme in itself. By letting her readers assume that her story ends with that elusive moment of enlightenment that everything will be all right, and then not giving one, she is suggesting that there just can't be one. Most likely all preemie parents come to terms with their situations, but it doesn't happen in a flash and probably never completely. It was definitely a more realistic ending than I would expect in the fiction books I'm more accustomed to reading.
I'm not going to pretend this was an easy read for me. In some ways it was, as it was written in a clear manner and the story flowed well throughout the first two-thirds of the book. If I had only been reading the words, I would consider it an easy book. The problem was that it's impossible to read it as a mother, especially of my own special preemie, and not feel the pain the author felt. I also felt all the same pain I had felt when living my own preemie drama, multiplying the pain her words produced. I think part of the reason I pushed through the book as quickly as I did was the Band-aid effect; if I could rip off that Band-aid by reading the painful story as fast as possible, I might be left with a sharper sting, but at least the pain wouldn't be prolonged.
I am hesitant to recommend this book to other moms. Moms who have had full-term babies and are not planning to have more. or moms who are considering fertility treatments might find this book very informational, both about fertility treatments and what all of us preemie moms have gone through. Preemie moms, on the other hand, will probably have a harder time with the book. No matter how well you think you've coped with the preemie issue, this book will dredge up all sorts of feelings you thought you'd worked past. Read it with caution--and a box of tissues nearby.
The book is The Early Birds by Jenny Minton. It's the author's memoir of her struggle to conceive, finally resorting to IVF, and then delivering her twin sons over two months early. I expected before beginning the book that it would probably bring back all the emotions through my own struggle with Patrick's prematurity, and in that way the book did not disappoint. One thing I understand better after reading the book is that almost all preemie moms go through at least some degree of the same emotions. I'd thought that was likely the case already from my increasing associations with other preemie moms, but it's interesting to see so many of my own thoughts and feelings in print, yet written by somebody else. I also learned that although some of the details of our situations may be similar--like delivering at 31 weeks, one detail I have in common with the author--every mom's experience is unique. I found myself repeatedly wondering if I truly understand what the author had to go through, despite her careful explanation of her emotions, because my experience was so vastly different from hers.
I really wanted to like the book, I really did. But I found myself nitpicking my way through it. And I closed the back cover feeling unsatisfied with it. I think I was expecting that if a preemie mom got a book published, then she must have experienced the whole story; she must have found absolution and contentment with being a preemie mom. I was waiting throughout the entire book to find her moment of enlightenment, hoping I too could be enlightened in that moment, that I would discover how to erase the persistent emotions that plague me simply because my body refused to gestate my son the full nine months. Instead of finishing the book a healed woman, though, I realized just as the author did that such a thing is not possible. The emotions having a premature baby evokes will never go away completely. With time, preemie moms can learn to cope with them, as the author did, but we will always be haunted by those memories.
My biggest criticism of the book all along was the lack of direction. I felt as if the author was merely trying to tell her story but had no purpose to it. As a former English teacher, I still cannot fathom the concept of writing a story without a clear point or theme to it. At times the book felt directionless. I got the impression that the author wasn't entirely sure how or when to end the book either. When exactly does her story end? Certainly not when her sons left the hospital, nor when they reach a particular milestone. She can't end with her sons finally graduating to "normal," because who can say when that happens? And she can't end the moment she comes to terms with her traumatic experience; does that ever happen? The best she can do is catch us up-to-date with how her sons, family, and herself are doing now (or at the book's publication anyway). I also wonder if the supposed lack of direction or a theme is a theme in itself. By letting her readers assume that her story ends with that elusive moment of enlightenment that everything will be all right, and then not giving one, she is suggesting that there just can't be one. Most likely all preemie parents come to terms with their situations, but it doesn't happen in a flash and probably never completely. It was definitely a more realistic ending than I would expect in the fiction books I'm more accustomed to reading.
I'm not going to pretend this was an easy read for me. In some ways it was, as it was written in a clear manner and the story flowed well throughout the first two-thirds of the book. If I had only been reading the words, I would consider it an easy book. The problem was that it's impossible to read it as a mother, especially of my own special preemie, and not feel the pain the author felt. I also felt all the same pain I had felt when living my own preemie drama, multiplying the pain her words produced. I think part of the reason I pushed through the book as quickly as I did was the Band-aid effect; if I could rip off that Band-aid by reading the painful story as fast as possible, I might be left with a sharper sting, but at least the pain wouldn't be prolonged.
I am hesitant to recommend this book to other moms. Moms who have had full-term babies and are not planning to have more. or moms who are considering fertility treatments might find this book very informational, both about fertility treatments and what all of us preemie moms have gone through. Preemie moms, on the other hand, will probably have a harder time with the book. No matter how well you think you've coped with the preemie issue, this book will dredge up all sorts of feelings you thought you'd worked past. Read it with caution--and a box of tissues nearby.
Labels: Fun Stuff
2 Comments:
Your review showed a whole lot of insight -- both into the book and the author. You might be surprised... maybe this will be one more step on your road to coping and healing.
Sounds like, if anything, it gave you a lot to think about. Hopefully someday you can find that place of peace.
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