Nineteen Months

Dear Patrick,

Today you turned nineteen months old. Suddenly it seems odd to be naming your age in months. All of a sudden you've graduated to years. I can remember giving your age in days and weeks; years sound so old. When did you grow up this much?
This has been the month of full-blown toddlerhood. You walk, walk, walk all over the place. Even playing takes second place to walking. You might pause for a second or two to focus on a toy, but the best toys are those you can cart around with you, like your ball that you will throw and chase, throw and chase all day long. You also love empty water bottles because they are so portable and make a cool noise when you bam them against different objects around the house.

You also talk to me all the time. I love watching your vocabulary develop, even though it is happening slowly. It cracks me up which words are important enough for you to learn first and which you understand well enough to repeat. Who would have predicted "cheese" and "fishies" (goldfish crackers) as the first two food-related words you would say? Today you very clearly repeated "baby" when I pointed out a picture of a baby on the computer. I think you're beginning to understand that babies will quickly become very important in your life. I can't wait for that moment you touch my belly and say "baby."

With the toddler walking and vocabulary comes the toddler attitude, though. You have learned how to throw tantrums with the best of them. You can already throw that body around in the most pathetic ways to try to get our sympathy. I wonder if once your language develops further and you can tell us what is wrong, your tantrums will taper off. At least we will know what needs you have that need to be met. But then I doubt it at the same time. Most tantrums are because we won't let you do something specific, usually something in direct disobedience to us. We understand what you want, and that you understand what we're telling you, and you simply don't like it. Your tantrums are a manipulative tool, and we're not buying it. I need to get a good video of one one of these days, though, to show to you when you're older and can laugh at yourself the way Daddy and I do sometimes.

Speaking of Daddy, he is your absolute best friend right now. You ask for him first thing in the morning and after waking up for a nap, and I'm pretty sure you recognize the ring on my phone that means he is calling me. You can identify the sound of the garage door closing when Daddy gets home from work, and you run (well, walk really fast for you) to that laundry room door that connects to the garage--where you know he will appear really soon. You have a special Daddy squeal that I love to hear as much as Daddy does. Mommy is good enough to have around, but right now Daddy is your everything. He's the same to me, so I can understand how you feel that way.

I appreciate that you make the effort to show me plenty of attention when Daddy isn't around. You've gotten to where you love to cuddle with me first thing in the morning, and I treasure those moments even more than you realize. And even when they're manipulative, I love those times you toddle over to me and lay your head against my leg for a second or two. It may not match a Daddy squeal, but you understand that I need those quiet moments with you and it means everything that you're letting me have them.

You laugh all the time these days--when you're not in the midst of a tantrum--and generally have a great outlook on life. Even when Mommy is hormonal and moody, you can manage to make me laugh along with you at your silly antics. In fact, sometimes I wonder if that's not what you're trying to do. You're my sensitive little boy, already able to set your own wants and needs aside sometimes to attend to Mommy or Daddy. I can tell even now that you will be a great big brother, even when you let jealousy take over from time to time.

Mommy and Daddy love you so much, as much for the crazy toddler you've become as the sweet boy you've been all along.

Love,

Mommy