Ten Months

My dear Patrick,

Today you turn ten months old. I can't believe it. It sounds so old, like you're no longer my little baby but a little boy instead. Now that you've hit double digits in months, you're close enough to that first birthday that it won't be long until we give your age in years instead of months. You're growing up so fast! Slow down a bit. I'm not ready to be the mommy to a toddler.

This has been a huge month for you developmentally. You started out the month trying desperately to balance sitting up, with Mommy worrying about you because you couldn't sit up yet at nine months. This month finds you sitting up all the time like a pro, and instead Mommy worries about how you're not crawling yet. You are making progress in that area finally, though. Just in the last few days, you've thrown your body around into new positions that remarkably resemble the crawling position. As soon as you realize it, though, you lay your head down to pretend that was your plan all along. I think you're as afraid of taking that step of crawling as Mommy is. I know there will be a mad rush to finish baby-proofing the second you crawl for the first time. The problem is that I'm not sure exactly what needs to be baby-proofed. As soon as I see what mischief you're eager to make, I think I'll have a much better idea what precautions to take.

You have also made drastic improvements with your fine motor skills. I have so much fun watching you play with your toys. You can manipulate almost anything to do what you want it to do. It's also hilarious to see what you have determined must be a toy. Just in the last few days, you have found cell phones, remote controls, cats and dogs, a wooden spoon, a spatula, and even a metronome, to be great sources of entertainment. Remind me again why we spend money on brightly-colored plastic toys. Oh, yeah, they also provide endless hours of entertainment. I hope you are always able to be so content with such simple toys.
Yes, this is my new shorter haircut. It looks nowhere near as great as it did when I left the salon (although we all know it would never look that great again), but at least you can see the new length.

This morning was a sad morning, Patrick, although I think the drama missed you entirely. Daddy left us to go on a business trip to Austin. This is the first time he has left us overnight since that first night after you were born. That night he left Mommy to try to sleep in the hospital and he went to stay in a hotel room with Papa and Gigi so that maybe he could get a good night's sleep as well; neither of us had slept well the night before, with you causing Mommy so much pain all night. I don't think you even noticed Daddy was gone that night, although Mommy certainly did. I've never been so lonely; I didn't even have you in my belly for company any more. The best moment was when we reunited the next morning. I had gone to see you in the NICU for the first time early that morning, and just as I was preparing to leave to get some more rest, Daddy showed up by your warmer. Suddenly I saw Daddy as more than just my husband, but also a wonderful, loving father as well. That is a moment I will always remember.

I can only hope that on Friday when we're reunited with Daddy again, it will be just as sweet as that moment in the hospital. I was relieved this morning when we watched Daddy pull out of the driveway and waved cheerfully at him that you didn't understand what was happening. I'm glad you didn't know why Mommy's cheek was wet when you reached up to touch my face or why I couldn't talk much with you for the few minutes after. I'm glad you don't understand that you won't see Daddy again for several days, and I hope you don't even realize how much time has passed when we see him again. Yet I also hope that you don't forget Daddy in that short time and welcome him again on Friday with excited squeals and a big hug. I have a feeling Mommy will welcome him similarly. I'm trying my hardest to focus on that day when we get to see him again and not how much I miss him now, while he's gone. It's nice having you around to distract me from my loneliness. In fact, I really can't be lonely at all when I'm chasing you around, trying desperately to keep you entertained. I just don't know how I'm supposed to fight off the loneliness when I crawl into a huge, empty bed tonight with you sleeping soundly in the other room.

I love this picture I got of you and Daddy yesterday. I love how you're looking at each other, sharing a moment. (I also love how it looks like you're trying to play guitar with that spatula.) Please don't grow too much or start doing too many new things in the next few days. I don't want Daddy to miss even one moment of your development. I know he's going to miss you just as much as we're going to miss him. I don't know what we'd do without Daddy around, and this week is a great reminder of that.

Enjoy your ten-month birthday, Patrick. We'll really celebrate on Friday when our loving little family is back together again. Mommy and Daddy love you.

Love,

Mommy