Just a Game

Every so often, I get this really weird feeling. It seems like this life isn't real but a game instead. I'm just playing at this whole marriage thing and mommy thing. It's all an elaborate game of house, where my best friend and I make all sorts of big decisions without bothering to think about the consequences, even though they are potentially life-changing. My imaginary husband is just a lot more real and that baby doll actually moves, eats, and poops. It's such a bizarre feeling for it to suddenly wash over me again that this is my life now, not just how I imagined it as a child. I am an adult, despite how I often feel, and I am making adult decisions on a daily basis. Weird! I had one of those reality check moments last night (don't ask what prompted it; I don't even know) and finally felt capable of recording that odd feeling in words. I remember feeling something similar when I taught, as I would stand in front of a class, responsible for making sure hundreds of teenagers learned math or English, and feeling incapable of bearing such a responsibility because I was basically one of them anyway. Is this a common feeling? When will I feel grown-up all the time? Or will that ever even happen?