I think I may have figured out why Patrick's recent rebellious behavior has been frustrating me so much. My reasoning may also explain why he has so easily frustrated me all along, any time he would cry excessively or at inappropriate times.
I wonder if somewhere along the way I forgot what parenting is all about. I forgot that Patrick is a child, another real human being, an individual. I tend to be a control freak about anything I can control, and somehow I assumed Patrick would be something I could control. I should have figured out that wasn't the case when he chose to come two months early, a situation clearly out of my control.
Since that day, I have let myself get out of sorts any time his behavior didn't follow with what I hoped and expected he would do. Part of me understood that a young baby couldn't listen to me and stop crying merely because I asked him to. But another part of me expected exactly that. I remember how frustrated I was at my brother's wedding when Patrick screamed during family pictures. I'd envisioned family photos, the first Patrick was in, with a happy grinning baby in my arms. I still regret some of the words I whispered into his ear in my frustrated attempts to calm him, words that were meant for him but were overheard--words that I wish now nobody had heard, especially Patrick.
Now more than ever I'm being forced to come to terms with the idea that Patrick is a real person, not my puppet or even a predictable pet. He is exhibiting a real sense of individualism, of independence, and I need to recognize that as a good thing, a natural development. As he grows up, that independence and control of his own actions will only increase. My control will continue to decrease as he further develops his sense of self. But as a parent, my job is not to control his behavior, but to teach and train him to want to behave the way I want him to. It's a very different perspective, and I don't really know how to go about parenting him that way, especially when he's still this young. Realizations like the one that hit today remind me that parenting is truly a huge job, an important one, and not nearly as easy as my parents made it seem.
Here's Patrick on his other ride-on toy he got for his birthday. I wish he would discover if he moves his feet that he can move the toy. He's so eager to go places on his own and this could be such a help to him. He sure will be excited when he figures it out, won't he? In the meantime, it's a fun sit-on toy instead.
I wonder if somewhere along the way I forgot what parenting is all about. I forgot that Patrick is a child, another real human being, an individual. I tend to be a control freak about anything I can control, and somehow I assumed Patrick would be something I could control. I should have figured out that wasn't the case when he chose to come two months early, a situation clearly out of my control.
Since that day, I have let myself get out of sorts any time his behavior didn't follow with what I hoped and expected he would do. Part of me understood that a young baby couldn't listen to me and stop crying merely because I asked him to. But another part of me expected exactly that. I remember how frustrated I was at my brother's wedding when Patrick screamed during family pictures. I'd envisioned family photos, the first Patrick was in, with a happy grinning baby in my arms. I still regret some of the words I whispered into his ear in my frustrated attempts to calm him, words that were meant for him but were overheard--words that I wish now nobody had heard, especially Patrick.
Now more than ever I'm being forced to come to terms with the idea that Patrick is a real person, not my puppet or even a predictable pet. He is exhibiting a real sense of individualism, of independence, and I need to recognize that as a good thing, a natural development. As he grows up, that independence and control of his own actions will only increase. My control will continue to decrease as he further develops his sense of self. But as a parent, my job is not to control his behavior, but to teach and train him to want to behave the way I want him to. It's a very different perspective, and I don't really know how to go about parenting him that way, especially when he's still this young. Realizations like the one that hit today remind me that parenting is truly a huge job, an important one, and not nearly as easy as my parents made it seem.
Here's Patrick on his other ride-on toy he got for his birthday. I wish he would discover if he moves his feet that he can move the toy. He's so eager to go places on his own and this could be such a help to him. He sure will be excited when he figures it out, won't he? In the meantime, it's a fun sit-on toy instead.Labels: Feelings, Frustration, Photos
3 Comments:
I understand what you mean about perspective. I think we all need to take a second look at our perspective every now and then. It makes me think of that saying, "How does one make God laugh? Make plans." It's never about our will or our plans, it's about God's will. The harder we try to control things, I think the more things spin out of control (to an extent). Good post, lovely pictures.
I also know what you mean about Patrick figuring out the ride-on toy. Will has had his for almost 6 mos. and still hasn't figured out how to "ride" it. He can push it, but riding it has been a different story. Good luck :)
What amazes me is that you have already learned to look at your little boy this way. I think all parents come to this realization, but I think it took me awhile -- I guess I was always better about it on some days than others. If we made it look easy it's because you were too young to remember the early days when we were learning to be parents. When you were older you kids were such great kids that you just made the job easy (most of the time...) :)
I feel so horrible missing Patricks Birthday :( I hope he had a great one.. I loved the post you made about it though and so will patrick when he is older :) Now that we are back from Canada I can catch up.. lol
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