Mother's Day Musings

Every so often, it still surprises me, catches me off guard, this mommy thing. I'll be in the process of fastening him in his high chair chattering at him in baby talk or waking up in the morning to the sounds of his cries--or more recently, baby talk--and it will hit me like a brick. For the life of me, I can't figure out how I ended up here. A year and a half ago, I was a single high school English teacher wondering if I would ever find the love of my life. Now I'm a married stay-at-home mom living in the suburbs, the definition of a soccer mom. Sure, it's always what I'd hoped to be and imagined I'd be, but it still shocks me that those daydreams have become reality.

When these surreal moments occur, I have to pause and reassure myself that this is more than a dream. I'm not living someone else's life, or even baby-sitting their kid. Patrick's real parents are not going to walk through the door at any moment and rescue me from the onslaught of puke and poop. I am the one responsible for cleaning up the grossness, and more importantly, raising him into a respectful young man and adult.

Patrick enjoying my Mother's Day gift

These are interesting musings for Mother's Day. A year ago I sort of celebrated Mother's Day, as I was expecting to be a mother in a few months. I imagined then what it would probably be like with the baby and started forming that life as a reality in my head, but it was nothing like the real thing. I still believe I had every right to celebrate last year; I was a mother already the minute he was conceived. It's not the same as this year, however. Now I have living proof to hold out to everyone instead of just a secret growing in my belly. Now I've experienced that overwhelming love that comes when I look at my baby, this tiny living being that I had a part in creating.

More and more I'm thinking that Mother's Day is more than a day for others to celebrate their moms (although that is special and important), but a day for mothers themselves to celebrate motherhood. I have yet to comprehend the tip of this mystery that is motherhood, but I'm looking forward to uncovering more and more about it each of the many glorious days of being a mommy that stretch out ahead of me.